“Yes, I know all of that, you’ve told me. My question is whether anyone actually touched him,” Thomas says.
“He ate the fish, drank the wine,” Peter says. “What more can you want?”
“Did anyone touch him? Did anyone feel his wounds, see if they’re real? That’s all I’m asking.”
Everyone looks around at each other. Mary Magdalene looks down, remembering that Jesus told her not to touch him.
You try and remember what happened. For all the hours you spent with him you never actually touched him. You touched the bread he touched. That’s when your eyes opened. Does that mean something? Maybe not. Maybe Thomas is right.
That would explain the disappearances. A person who is alive and real cannot disappear and reappear. Only ghosts or angels. Maybe that is what we saw, an angel in the appearance of Jesus. The Scriptures tell of Abraham being visited by angels who ate and seemed real.
He seemed so alive, more alive than before.
“See, no one touched him,” Thomas continues. “I go away… and now everyone is seeing things. It’s your hope. It’s your desire to see Jesus, not really him.”
“The tomb is empty. Everyone admits that now,” John says.
“The story I heard is you all stole the body,” Thomas replies. “Now I know that’s not true, but neither is the fact that Jesus came back to life. Well not back to real life. I believe you saw something, talked to someone. But where is he now? Living people don’t just disappear, and stay gone. They have to sleep somewhere, eat somewhere. Where else would he go? He would be here.”
This is exactly what you were thinking. No one had seen him, heard him for a couple of days. Had he ascended? Were you seeing things, hearing things, your hopes playing games with your mind. Was everyone crazy? It seems that way now.
It was a wonderful last few days, everyone ate together every night. You all prayed and sang songs, spent time studying the Scriptures Jesus had highlighted. Joseph had made a copy of the Scriptures for his own use… he was more wealthy than you knew. This he made available for everyone.
Now, Thomas came back, and he is right. No one wants to hear it, but he seems right.
“I don’t care what you say, Thomas,” Joanna says, “I know what I saw, I believe what Peter and Cleopas and the others have said. He’s alive, only he’s not the same now, he’s really alive. We have seen the Lord and he is alive!”
“That’s fine for you to believe that, maybe it makes you feel better about life. In fact, I don’t care if he is alive, the hope and sacrifice don’t change. He is alive in our hearts, that’s all, which is wonderful. I won’t believe he’s alive in fact until I see the nail wounds, touch them, and touch the wound in his side. All this seeing things is not enough for me. If he is real, I want to know it, see him for myself. Then I’ll believe. Not before then.”
A week passes. Each night everyone continues to gather, continues to pray, continues to wait. It is not the same as before. Less people show up each night, as Thomas’ words sink in, and as Jesus does not return. Some of the women are still excited, undoubting. So too are some of the disciples. Peter refuses to doubt.
“I denied him already,” he says. “I’m not going to do it again.” He leads the singing.
Thomas still is a part, his doubt not discouraging him as much as some others. Still he does not concede the point, and the longer you all wait, the more everyone agrees with him, doubting that Jesus really did come back. Hearing both sides some people choose to not believe, and having been through all they have, abandon hope, go back to the synagogues and ask for forgiveness.
The mood tonight is somber, Thomas is in good spirits. He is fine doubting and still contributing.
Peter stands firm, as do the women. John is quiet. He believes, only he does not have any response. You are not sure.
The doors are locked now. It is late. Peter has finished singing a psalm, others joining in on the chorus. Food has been served and now the praying begins.
“Most holy God,” John says, “you who are worthy of honor and all glory, we wait on you. Give us wisdom and courage to hold on to the truth you have given us. Help us to see, to have faith, to understand all that is going on. Reveal to us your light, help us in this time...”
You hear feet moving, someone is walking around during the prayer. You open an eye to see who.
Again you are shocked. You nudge the person next to you. Soon everyone is looking up. Someone nudges John. He stops and looks up as well.
“Peace be with you,” Jesus says. He looks right at Thomas. Thomas looks away.
“Now is the time, Thomas,” he says. “Put your fingers here. See my hands, touch my side.”
Thomas gets up, and does so. You can’t believe it.
“Don’t be faithless any longer,” Jesus says, looking around, talking to everyone. “Believe!”
“My Lord and God,” says Thomas, falling to his knees, weeping, his face buried in the floor, bowing to Jesus.
“You believe because you have seen me. Those who believe even without seeing me are truly blessed.”
With that he walks in and grabs a chair, and sits with everyone. He begins singing a song of his own, one you have not heard, but which sounds very familiar. All through the evening everyone sings and prays, while Jesus remains. He walks around as he sings, putting his nail scarred hands on people’s shoulders, or arms. He is real. He is alive. He is not a ghost.
For the first time you really believe. You've seen him, talked with him, touched him, now nothing can make you doubt. Jesus is truly alive!
My dear Jesus, you have died and come back to life, raising me with you. I was dead, and lost, and now I live in you. I wait for you, and my waiting is not worthless, I hope in you and my hope is not foolish. You are alive, my Lord and my God, and in you I have power to live, to be free of sin and doubt for all of eternity.