A Psycho-Historical Study of John Wesley

“The best of all is – God is with us!”

“A brand plucked from the burning”: Childhood and Adolescence

“The Image of God, was what I aimed at in all, by doing his will, not my own”: Young Adulthood

“I felt my heart strangely warmed”: Adulthood

“The best of all is – God is with us!”

It seems as though throughout the history of the Church specific individuals have arisen which have shaped not only their generation, but their entire era. As societies have changed and the Gospel has been adapted to various cultures, there have been certain folk who spearheaded a new way of viewing the Christian life, and in many ways brightened the flame for succeeding generations. They did not seek to adapt themselves to the trend of the day, but indeed they were themselves foundational for helping to shape the entire philosophies of their time, in broader ways than the specific Christian message. Just as Martin Luther provided a new voice of leadership during his era, a man emerged at the beginning of the Enlightenment whose thoughts and activities helped renew a spark and revive the soul of a nation. He did not set out to do this, but rather this came as a result of his own quest for fullness, his own life journey to find that Presence who would never leave. John Wesley drew others along with him along the way to finding this ultimate peace, pointing the way for their own fulfillment in the One who created them.

The goal of this paper is to look at the life of John Wesley. However, this will not simply be a recitation of the various major events and activities of his life, but rather this will be an attempt to discover how Wesley came to be the person he was. In doing this I will use various tools which can help identify specific points of struggle, conflict, and resolutions during various stages of Wesley’s life. The first pattern I will use is Erik Erikson’s eight developmental stages, which will help to identify the various struggles each child faces as they mature. [1] In addition I will also use the theory which James Fowler has developed which seeks to examine not simply the psychological development of a child but the development of faith, understanding that all people are “endowed at birth with nascent capacities for faith.” [2] In his research he has discovered that there can be described six “stages” which people can pass through. Though certainly not all people progress at the same rate or to the same point, indeed, only a very few make it to stage six. With a person such as Wesley, whose faith in many ways defined his life, it is essential that we understand how he may have matured and developed in the very ways of his faith formation and perception.

Fowler, however, sees this faith development as being a universal trait to all humanity, defining it as “the person’s or group’s way of responding to transcendent value and power as perceived and grasped through the forms of the cumulative tradition.” [3] In seeking to understand Wesley as a whole person, though, we simply must take into account that which he believed, understanding that if God did indeed create, than theology is inseparable from a study such as this. Contra to Erikson’s quest to understand Luther without analyzing the specific claims which he laid hold to, I understand that what Wesley studied and how, as well as to who Wesley prayed were as formational, if not more it will be argued, than any other influence. [4] The specifics of the ideology do matter, and if they point to a truth beyond what society can offer will change the society as much as the society can influence the individual. What, and how, we seek to find fullness certainly shapes who we are. Human development is indeed “contingent on the undergirding, intervening, recreative, and redemptive order of God’s action in creation.” [5] With this in mind, James Loder’s “above and below” approach to human development will help complete the picture of Wesley’s development. [6]

“A brand plucked from the burning”: Childhood and Adolescence

To understand John Wesley’s earliest development it is vital to first look at the character of his parents, whose strong personalities helped to shape and guide young John in a powerful way. Samuel Wesley was a man of strong convictions and strong passions. He was born into a Dissenting family, with his father and grandfather both being removed from their positions as parish priests after refusing to accept the new Book of Common Prayer in 1662. [7] His father in fact became such an ardent Puritan preacher that he was imprisoned at one point. Samuel received his earliest schooling at a Dissenting Academy, but while in his teens was drawn to the Church of England. This act of conviction led him towards a passionate hostility towards those who were still Dissenters and, academically, allowed him to attend Exeter College at Oxford. He was ordained a deacon in 1688 and the next year was ordained as a Priest. After serving in various capacities, he was appointed to the parish of Epworth in 1695, which was a lifetime appointment due to his loyalty to the Crown. Samuel was an enjoyable person, but his teaching was unyielding in its morality and expectations. [8] In Epworth, there lived a substantial minority of Dissenters who continually battled with their parish priest, who with other dissatisfied parishioners caused conflicts which went on for years.

In 1688, Samuel married Susanna, the youngest daughter of the well-known and respected leader of the Dissenters in London, Dr. Samuel Annesley. She also, through her own convictions and reading, had been drawn into the Church of England. Where Samuel was emotional, Susanna was intellectual, possessing a very strong mind and ability to reason. Samuel has been called by biographers as being “learned, zealous, pious, affectionate when his prejudices were not aroused; but also obstinate, passionate, partisan and pedantic.” [9] In contrast, Susanna was “competent, businesslike and possessed of a cool, rational mentality which contrasted strongly with Samuel’s emotional and ‘poetic’ temperament.” [10] Indeed she was “capable of defying her husband in matters ecclesiastical and of debating with her sons on questions theological.” [11] In a letter she wrote to John she herself admitted this contrast in saying that “’Tis an unhappiness almost peculiar to our family, that your father and I seldom think alike.” [12] Their lives were continually beset by financial problems, with Samuel spending four months in debtors prison at one point, [13] forcing Susanna to somehow scrape enough funds and food together to care for the family. Together this unlikely pair had about nineteen children, [14] with ten surviving into adulthood. John Wesley was the thirteenth or fourteenth born, the second of only three sons who lived.

In 1709, a fire started in the rectory where the Wesley family lived. There is great uncertainty about how this fire started, with John Wesley later attributing it to the actions of angry parishioners, [15] and others pointing simply to an act of carelessness. [16] It was the middle of the night, and all the family were sound asleep. Samuel woke up first and evacuated his children and his pregnant wife down the stairs and out the back door of the house. However, in the confusion it was noticed that young five year old John was not with them. Samuel attempted to run back upstairs, but was prevented by the fire. He knelt in the hall and prayed for young John’s soul. Outside, neighbors saw John standing in the window of his bedroom, with the flames dancing around him. As John edged out onto the windowsill, a tall burly neighbor raised another lighter man onto his shoulders and they lifted John away from the flames just as the entire roof collapsed. Although all the property was lost, the entire Wesley family was saved, a fact that Samuel and Susanna realized was due to the grace of God. They forgot about their possessions and gathered all around to give God thanks for their salvation from the flames.

Erik Erikson understands the earliest stages of human life as being a working through, initially, of “basic trust vs. basic mistrust” and second as “autonomy vs. shame and doubt.” The first stage establishes enduring patterns for how one faces uncomfortable, stressful, or anxious situations. Based on the initial reactions of the mother to the most basic needs of the infant, the infant whose basic trust is affirmed builds “an inner population of remembered and anticipated sensations and images which are firmly correlated with the outer population of familiar and predictable things and people”. [17] A mother who combines quality care of the child’s individual needs with personal trustworthiness is vital in forming within the child a sense of identity, within the individual and within the society at large. [18] What is interesting to note is the importance that the face, especially of the mother but also of other caregivers, holds at this point. At about the age of three months children begin to respond to faces, real or unreal, in a way which signifies significant social growth. As Loder puts it, “So important and regular is this phenomenon that it is like imprinting on what it is to be human, this mirror relationship between the adult face and the child’s face, the smiling child and the return of that smile from the adult.” [19]

Part of Erikson’s study showed that each stage appears to have a relationship to a basic element of society, with the human life cycle and human institutions being vitally interconnected. [20] Erikson, who was not interested in theological perspectives, stated that this stage reveals itself in the broader picture of organized religion saying that “trust born of care is, in fact, the touchstone of the actuality of a given religion.” [21] He continues by saying that “all religions have in common the periodical childlike surrender to a Provider or providers who dispense earthly fortune as well as spiritual help.” [22] Loder sees the basic reaction to “the face” as being a “cosmic ordering, self-confirming presence of a loving other.” [23] However, it is learned that “the face” sometimes is withdrawn, that the care demanded is not given, or that the face expected is not the one shown. This creates anxiety in the child, anxiety which is based on a sense of absence. This anxiety is increased as the child learns what “no” means, understanding the refusal of basic desires at times. Loss and negation build in the child the basic foundation of the human ego, which seeks to manage this stress in a way which defends the child’s psyche. [24] Fowler understands this development as being a precursor to the development of actual faith, calling this stage “undifferentiated” as “the seeds of trust, courage, hope, and love are fused in an undifferentiated way and contend with sensed threats of abandonment, inconsistencies and deprivations in an infant’s environment.” [25] The quality of maternal and paternal care at this point greatly impact our later perceptions of the divine.

John, or Jacky as he was affectionately called by his parents, was born at a time of closeness between his parents, a time which had followed a prolonged separation between Samuel and Susanna. In 1701, a quarrel arose which started when Samuel noticed that Susanna did not say “amen” following a prayer for the King, William of Orange. She, being politically minded, thought him a pretender to the throne and would not pray for him. Samuel disagreed severely, and on a trip to London for a conference he simply stayed, refusing to share the same bed with someone of Susanna’s opinion. Following a fire and a change in the political situation, the two reunited, with John being born a little over nine months after their reconciliation. [26] While each parent were different in their personalities, it is clear that both were very affectionate and attentive to their children throughout their lives.

The second stage which Erikson discusses concerns “autonomy vs. shame and doubt.” [27] Occurring about the second or third year of life, this is a struggle over “who decides?”. It is “a decisive stage in terms of the ratio between working with and struggling against, and between expressing freely and restraining self-expression.” [28] As Erikson writes, “from a sense of self-control without loss of self-esteem comes a lasting sense of good will and pride; from a sense of loss of self-control and of foreign overcontrol comes a lasting propensity for doubt and shame.” [29] Thus, while a child at this age certainly requires outer control, this must be done in a way which is reassuring rather than shaming, otherwise as Erikson points out, the child will learn to overmanipulate himself, repossessing his environment by stubborn and minute control, never feeling the satisfaction of achievement or full acceptance. [30]

The next stage which Erikson develops, occurring from about age three to age five, is that of “initiative vs. guilt” in which new found “tools” are utilized in order to give the child a sense of his or her own powers to be used in this world. Guilt becomes prominent when the initiatives of the child are “frustrated without affection and abusively cut off.” [31] However, if initiative is encouraged, a sense of purpose is engendered, which “sets the direction toward the possible and the tangible which permits the dreams of early childhood to be attached to the goals of an active adult life.” [32] It is at this stage that the superego develops as the parental image of authority within. One of the great dangers then is the possibility that either the child reflects an overcontrolling nature or that the parents are themselves not seen to live up to the expectations that the child now understands. [33] For all of their apparent strictness in morals and religion, however, both Susanna and Samuel were certainly consistent models for their children in living out the expectations which they set.

Susanna was pious woman to the core, a piety based on her own theological confidence and standards. And while Samuel was certainly passionate about his beliefs, he was, it can be said, also passionate about people, being a very diligent pastor to those in his parish. It is unlikely that he was as “mercurial, unpredictable, unorganized” as some have claimed seeking to show that it was his “explosive temper and impetuous judgment” which shaped their view of the divine. [34] In a letter to an associate he details “the aims, studies, duties, and discipline” which were to be expected of an ideal minister, and from all accounts these reflected how he patterned his own life. [35] And while Susanna tended to be more intellectual in her relationships, writing at one point a very erudite exposition of the Apostles Creed, John Wesley himself once commented that “his mother, ‘did not feel for others near so much as my father did; but she did ten times more than he did’ both among the poor and needy and in her own home.” [36]

James Fowler finds that the first real stage of faith develops between ages two and six. He calls this the Intuitive-Projective stage, in which fantasy is as real as reality. The supernatural in its good and bad forms becomes fascinating and the child responds especially to stories and narratives. [37] The child “can be powerfully and permanently influenced by examples, moods, actions and stories of the visible faith of primally related adults.” [38] Here the imagination is sparked in a way which can provide powerful insights about existence, but this can also be a time in which the child has his or her imagination overfocused on “taboos and moral or doctrinal expectations.” [39] Children at this time also have developed a preoccupation with death, a fear that John Wesley faced in reality during the fire of 1705 when he was only five. This story which became real was for him a model of his later salvation, an actualization of being “a brand plucked from the flame.” Immediately after this incident the family credited God with the salvific act, and John was taught the miracle of salvation. He was also given through this a sense of being a “special” child, who was especially rescued. His mother wrote after the incident that she intends “to be more particularly careful of the soul of this child that thou hast so mercifully provided for, than ever I have been, that I may do my endeavours to instill into his mind the disciplines of thy true religion and virtue.” [40]

Susanna Wesley had some strong views about how to raise children. In a letter she wrote to her son, which John copied into his Journal soon after she died, we read that the key to raising children is to first conquer their will and bring in to “an obedient temper”. She continues by writing:

“Whenever a child is corrected, it must be conquered; and this will be no hard matter to do if it be not grown headstrong by too much indulgence. And when the will of a child is totally subdued, and it is brought to revere and stand in awe of the parents, then a great many childish follies and inadvertences may be passed by.” [41]

In addition to the foundation of a conquered will, the other key, according to Susanna, was the need for intense “regularity” in all things, with definite times for eating, sleeping, and being changed. As young as a year old all the children were taught “to fear the rod, and to cry softly.” The goal of this was to develop in the child a total obedience to the parent, training the child to submit to their authority in all things. This was done, in Susanna’s mind, because “as self-will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children, insures their after-wretchedness and irreligion.” However, she continues, “whatever checks and mortifies it, promotes their future happiness and piety.” Indeed it is for the purpose of eternal salvation that the will must be broken, for “religion is nothing else than the doing the will of God, and not our own: that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being this self-will, no indulgences of it can be trivial, no denial unprofitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone.”

The fourth stage which Erikson presents is that of “Industry vs. Inferiority”. Here the child begins to become “a worker and potential provider”. [42] The child learns to master the tools which the society has provided him or her, and the ability to master these tools brings confidence or distress. It can be said that “the underlying long range issue is whether the child’s innate capacity to put ends and means together and to construct worlds of real things and meanings will bring value to him as a person, or whether it will make him feel incompetent, inferior, and so worthless as a person.” [43]

James Fowler finds that between the ages of about six to eight another stage of faith development also seems to begin. [44] The Mythic-Literal stage is characterized by our being able to understand cause and effect relations. The person “begins to take on for him- or herself the stories, beliefs and observances that symbolize belonging to this community, to know these stories is to belong.” [45] Stories and narrative provide new ways of coherence for the person, with a sense of universal “justice” being understood as applying to others and the divine. There is a literalness about interpretation which along with an understanding of the ideal of reciprocity which can lead to a sense of enduring “badness” or feelings of disfavor from others.

The sense of regularity which Susanna applied to the children’s lives was also applied to their learning. None of the children learned to read before age 5, but after they turned this age, Susanna organized a day for each child to learn this basic task. All the other children were given tasks, and the house was put into order. And on this one day, a child learned all of his or her letters, [46] with some of the children on the same day beginning also to read the first verses of Genesis. [47] For six straight hours each day school was in session for each of the children during which “no such thing as loud talking or playing allowed of.” This all occurred alongside very early and regular times of prayer and spiritual guidance, in a pattern which helped shape their regular day and week. In this philosophy John and all the Wesley children were raised.

John apparently responded very well to this, taking on early the combination of intellectuality and spirituality. He seemed to have very early on controlled his emotions through reasoning, and sought rational explanations for all things. And it can be said that young John learned to be very confident of his abilities. His father once said, in exasperation, to Susanna, “As for Jack, he will have a reason for everything he has to do. I suppose, he would not attend to the most pressing necessities of nature unless he had a reason for it.” [48] Samuel also once responded to young John himself saying, “Child, you think to carry everything by dint of argument, but you will find how little is ever done in the world by close reasoning.” [49] On the spiritual side, John seems to have been very serious about his religion from about the age of six, and his father (certainly one to take Christian practice seriously) admitted him to communion beginning at age eight. This means in some ways that while John was very young he was admitted to mature roles in worship, a context for “liminality” in which role structures are temporarily suspended and the child especially is able to enter into corporate life. [50] In this he was given a great balance which allowed him to have both boundaries and flexibility in his own development. His parents were aware of his maturity and talents at an early age, and gave him room to develop.

Many biographers have seen Susanna’s form of child raising as being the shaping force in John’s psychological development. Especially in considering Wesley’s later development and his own religious philosophy it can be said that he was consumed with doubt and feelings of inadequacies. In his study of Wesley, Robert Moore writes that his “personal style as a ‘Methodist’, compulsive, over-organized, perfectionistic in his attempts to obey authorities which he believed to be legitimate, just, and consistent was determined at this early age.” [51] If we understand shame as being a “vague, diffuse sense of falling short of some ideal, then “our ‘fault’ (in biblical terms) is a sin of omission; we have left undone that which we ought to have done.” [52] From the time of his earliest youth, Wesley sought internal spiritual order through increasing patterns of discipline and “methods” which would help him towards the perfection that he thought was the goal of the true Christian life. It is understood that the shame induced by Susanna’s breaking of the will results in John’s later feeling that “he had fallen short of the mark, that he had not reached his spiritual ideal.” Thus, it was an underlying sense of doubt and shame which led to his later strivings for full acceptance both before his parents and before his god. As Loder puts it, “shame is not so much loss of face as it is loss of defense against an exposure of one’s deep emptiness, cosmic loneliness, and the evidence that one has not found centeredness in the Face of God.” [53]

We must, however, take into account other aspects of Susanna’s philosophy as well as other important markers which can help shape our understanding of this time. In her letter she writes that “some should be overlooked and taken no notice of, and others mildly reproved; but no willful transgression ought ever to be forgiven children, without chastisement, less or more, as the nature and circumstances of the offence require.” She also writes, however, that “every signal act of obedience, especially when it crossed upon their own inclinations, should be always commended, and frequently rewarded according to the merits of the cause.” In her other “by-laws” which were observed in the family, children who admitted to a fault or misdeed without compulsion were not beaten, but rather were shown that it was better to always “speak the truth plainly”, [54] and that no child would be punished for the same fault or “upbraided with it afterwards”. Also, if any child “performed an act of obedience, or did any thing with the intention to please, though the performance was not well, yet the obedience and intention should be kindly accepted; and the child with sweetness directed how to do better for the future.” In addition to these “rules”, Susanna specifically set aside an evening for each of her children, for what she called “close conversation”. Here she would pray more for and with each of them, listening specifically to their thoughts and sharing with them her heart, taking time “to enter each of her children’s world’s—and to give them access to hers.” [55] Young “Jacky’s” night was Thursday. So, while there was definitely an expectation for maturing, this maturing was not simply harsh and cold, but rather balanced with love and support throughout each stage.

When John was about eleven he was sent to the Charterhouse in London to begin his formal education. Very little is known about this era of Wesley’s life. [56] Though it is known that he followed his father’s advice and went running for a period each day (a practice which was part of Wesley’s lifelong passion for physical exercise as a key to a healthy life). [57] He also apparently did very well in school, continuing to establish a very strong foundation of learning. His schoolmaster, who had a high regard for him, once wrote that he “acquired great facility in the composition of Latin verse, while he learned Hebrew with unusual rapidity.” [58] Spiritually there seems to be a strong continuity during this transition, with Wesley writing that while he was “guilty of outward sins” (though not scandalous in the “eyes of the world”) he continued to read the Scriptures and pray several times a day, with his hope, he said on later reflection, that his salvation would come from “not being so bad as other people”, “having still a kindness for religion”, and “reading the Bible, going to Church and saying my prayers.” [59] In 1750, pondering his current spiritual state, he wrote that “I have not found God so present with me for so long a time since I was twelve years old.” [60] Apparently, this was a time of spiritual growth as well as academic. John was able to develop strong confidence in his abilities and apparently also maintained that religious “atmosphere” in which he was raised. It is at this point that he entered into puberty.

Erikson’s fifth stage, which begins with puberty, deals with Identity vs. Role Confusion. The adolescent is dealing with massive bodily changes as they begin to bridge between being a child and becoming an adult, not comfortable in either world. They are “primarily concerned with what they appear to be in the eyes of others as compared with what they feel they are, and with the question of how to connect the roles and skills cultivated earlier with the occupational prototypes of the day.” [61] Typically, this means a reworking of the previous developmental stages as the what was once in order falls into disorder, then becomes orderly again on a deeper level as the relationalities which underlie all the order become evident. [62] In a study of John Wesley, however, it appears that one needs to take a different track with the analysis. James Loder in his chapter on adolescence speaks of “two fundamentally different ways to go through adolescence.” [63] The first is the traditional path as previously described, the second, however, seems to occur for those whom their religiosity has become “definitive for the totality of their lives” [64] and for whom “personal identity as a member of his society was taken over and shaped by the question of his existential identity as a human being before God.” [65]

In his study of Martin Luther, Erikson found that young Luther simply was not asking the same questions as others his age, but rather had jumped immediately to deal with the questions that usually encompass the last stage of development, that of Integrity vs. Despair. The homo religious, as termed by Erikson, seems older when young, focusing “in a precocious way on what it takes others a lifetime to gain a mere inkling of: the question of how to escape corruption in living and how in death to give meaning to life.” [66] This person can “permit himself to face as permanent the trust problem which drives others in whom it remains or becomes dominant into denial, despair, and psychosis.” [67] In the Christian context this is not simply attaching certain terms to broader religious experiences, but it is indeed a prolonged act of transformation which the very Spirit of God begins to work in the life of the individual, transforming the ego from its defensive posture and opening up the soul of the individual to see Reality. As this is ultimately a question of trust, this stage is characterized in the adolescent not by seeking personal identity, or asking “who am I?”, but rather the question is “why?” and the quest will continue, prolonging this stage and the identity crisis which it entails until the Face appears, the Face that will not go away, the Face of God himself. As Loder puts it, “the Divine Spirit dramatically and powerfully penetrates and permeates the whole person so that he is consumed by the Divine Presence.” [68]

It is on this track of development, I propose, that we must look at Wesley’s life. While it is common to speak of his “conversion” in 1735 at Aldersgate, a study of his life reveals a religion that permeated his entire existence from the moment of his birth. There was no separation of his faith from the rest of his life, and from all accounts he was diligent in pursuing the spiritual life as he understood it at the various stages of development. At moments of transition he would look back and see his spiritual deficiencies and judge his spiritual life on the basis of his current understanding, but this does not mean his spiritual life was at any time not the focus of his development. As with Erikson’s analysis of Luther, various biographers have sought to show that Wesley’s struggles were primarily due to his own youthful relationship with his parents, and especially with Susanna’s method of “breaking the will”. [69] James Fowler in fact attributes Wesley’s later identity crisis as being the result of powerfully repressed infantile anger, and a personality which was organized out of his superego. [70] This is, however, an incomplete picture, focusing as it does solely on what can be called the “scientific” view without taking into account the activity of the spiritus Creator in the life of one who is seeking fullness.

One biographer has noted that Wesley’s “religious development was also a kind of delayed and extended adolescence which culminated in some sense in the religious experience of May 1738.” [71] This prolonged identity crisis was engendered by Wesley’s seeking the answer to all of life, declaring as did Luther before him and Kierkegaard later, “a moratorium on resolution until he can solve both identity and integrity at the same time.” [72] Normal patterns no longer apply to one who is now moving in a way outside of the typical, with the usual final questions of life now being brought to bear upon every aspect of life as it develops. This is, as Loder puts it, “to reverse development from a standpoint implicitly outside it.” [73] It is with this perspective that Wesley’s life from this moment on must be analyzed. The Spirit of God was working in him and drawing him to a new place of transformation which is beyond the “normal” human ego, and which once transformed [74] will truly reveal the “normal” as God originally intended.

James Fowler identifies that this period at Charterhouse entailed a transition to a new stage of faith for Wesley. Because his identity crisis entailed matters of cosmic significance, reaching out into discovering the very source and purpose of his existence, it involved his seeking after finding his identity as a person before God. Although, as it is argued, he did not fulfill this quest until much later, at this point in his life he matured into what Fowler calls the Synthetic-Conventional stage of faith. It is a drawing together of the images and beliefs which he had been provided, synthesizing them and making them his own, building his own identity from these beliefs, values, and attitudes. [75] Accepted authorities mediate and guide this development as a person’s experience of the world extends beyond the family structure. [76] In some ways this is a “conformist” stage in that the individual models oneself on the expectations and standards of accepted guides without having a solid understanding of one’s own identity. The beliefs are almost outside of the person.

“The Image of God, was what I aimed at in all, by doing his will, not my own”: Young Adulthood

In 1720, Wesley began his studies at Christ Church, Oxford. This was a continued time of dedicated study, as he continued to grow in his confidence and abilities in regard to his academic prowess. [77] Wesley later wrote that “I still said my prayers both in public and private, and read with the Scriptures several other books of religion”, [78] though he added that there was not so much “a notion of inward holiness.” While at Oxford he had a very active social life, in both recreational and serious pursuits, developing strong friendships with men, and more confusingly for Wesley at this time, with women. Very little of this time is known in detail, but it is clear that there was a continued and increasing concern with his personal holiness, as he developed in his practice of the various spiritual disciplines, and began to become involved in humanitarian concerns. He graduated in 1724, and continued on in his study for a Master of Arts, having decided (and been encouraged by his father) to seek Holy Orders.

At age 22 he discovered, by the Providence of God he later writes, [79] Thomas à Kempis’ Christian Pattern, [80] in which he “began to see that true religion was seated in the heart and that God’s law extended to all our thoughts as well as words and actions.” [81] It is often thought by biographers that this was a significant time of “conversion” in which Wesley began to take very seriously the Christian life in all of its regards. He received a letter from his mother which encouraged him to “enter upon a serious examination” of his inner and outer life, and he followed this encouragement by beginning a set of daily questions through which he could identify how and where he was falling short of the mark. [82] One in a normal stage of development would be now entering into the stage Erikson calls Intimacy vs. Isolation in which a young adult, having established an identity, is “eager and willing to fuse his identity with that of others,” [83] especially with those of the opposite sex. At this point, however, we find Wesley actually in some ways retreating from certain relationships, “shaking off at once all my trifling acquaintance.” [84]

Part of his now daily self-examination was the question concerning whether anyone or thing was surpassing his love for or attention to God. [85] Difficulties developed, however, in his inability to adequately sever some key relationships, causing his romantic aspirations to become continually intertwined with his spiritual goals and nature, with both he and his continual woman “friends” becoming confused as Wesley wanted to have intimacy with others, but simply could not while being driven in his quest to find the Face that would never leave. He was, as Fowler puts it, “doing his utmost to give himself to God, when in fact he had never taken possession of himself.” Fowler adds, “little wonder that there was not inner freedom to give himself to another in love or marriage.” [86] This issue of intimacy was, however, an issue for the rest of Wesley’s life, with his constant and endearing friendships with various “holy women”, including his very troubled marriage, always showing that he never quite developed the ability for normal intimacy, thus indicating that by moving on to what is normally Erikson’s eighth stage, Wesley never quite got back to working through the sixth stage of development.

Fowler identifies this time as being when Wesley transitioned into what he calls the fourth stage of faith development, that of Individuative-Reflective faith. In this stage, which is prompted by an encounter with experiences or perspectives which lead to reflect on one’s prior beliefs or practice, [87] one comes to a point of “self-responsibility” in which beliefs are fully taken as one’s own, with assumptions and choices taking on a new quality as assumed commitments are re-examined, with this re-examination prompting a new dedication towards pursuing the depths of the faith. [88] After being appointed a Fellow of Lincoln College, Wesley found himself with ample time to pursue this constant re-examination of his faith and of the state of his own soul. It is around this era, following 1726, that he expanded his daily questions to include not only himself, but increasingly a group of like-minded individuals who were also seeking holiness in their own lives. This was the beginning of what was called the “Holy Club” or more derisively, at first, “Methodists”.

This time was one of continued spiritual wrestling for John Wesley, as he sought deeper and deeper levels of holiness through various spiritual disciplines and increasingly humanitarian work, such as ministering in prisons, assisting the poor and sick, and “doing what other good I could by my presence or my little fortune to the bodies and souls of all men.” [89] That this was a time which God was in fact drawing him closer is evident in his statement that his reading [90] convinced him “more than ever of the exceeding height and breadth and depth of the law of God.” [91] He writes that “the light flowed in so mightily upon my soul that everything appeared in a new view. I cried to God for help and resolved not to prolong the time of obeying him, as I had never done before.” [92] Fowler notes that at this time Wesley likely “experienced oscillations between times of inflation, when he felt that his being congrued with his ideals, and times of abject deflation, when he felt that the gap between what he was and what he ought to be, was a yawning canyon.” [93]

What must be noted, however, is that increasingly Wesley was coming to know “Holy”, becoming more aware of the reality of God’s presence than others around him were, just as Martin Luther was more aware than his fellow monks. [94] The truth became increasingly clear that there indeed was a “yawning canyon” between God and his own imperfect life. He felt inadequate because he took so seriously what he was reading that he came to know the true nature that Christ has called all to pursue. In this it is vital that we not only look at the outer circumstances and influences of Wesley, but also the very theology to which he was now being exposed. Although some biographers point to the influence that the soteriology of the Church of England at this time, it is clear that the influences on Wesley’s went far beyond and deeper than his Church. As he was exposed more and more to the Early Church Father’s [95] he learned the ancient foundations of the faith, in which the questions were not so much about salvation, but about the pursuit of holiness. In reading this, Wesley’s theology began to take on a tone which is oftentimes more reflective of Orthodox theology than typical 18^th century Anglican.

The ideal for the Ancient and Eastern church was that of theosis, the divinization of man, expressed in Irenaeus’ statement that “God became man, so that man could become god.” Essentially this is the thought that Christ’s work enables and prompts the believer to not only rest in their salvation but to grow ever and ever closer to the original Image that God had intended. The Christian life, then, is one in which the believer trains and works to become that which God always intended, and that in doing this the believer grows ever and ever closer to God, eventually participating with Him in the divine life. In our union with the divine we are not fused with the Triune God, but are elevated to a whole communion with him, retaining that which is distinctively human, not being absorbed into a single entity, but in our individuality allowed to participate with God in who he is. Daniel Clendenin writes, “It is not too much to say that the divinization of humanity is the central theme, chief aim, basic purpose, or primary religious ideal of Orthodoxy.” [96] In the East, the emphasis is not so much on the guilt that we possess, but rather on the corruption brought on by our sin that leads us down the road to death. As we have been intended for immortality by God’s original creation, salvation provides for us a restoration and return to that road which leads to life. Essentially, this means that the emphasis in the West tends towards understanding salvation as being a change from guilt to innocence, while in the East salvation is understood as representing a change from corruptible to incorruptible. [97]

As his reading tended to reflect ancient sources, especially those of Eastern bent, Wesley’s thoughts must not be analyzed according to typical Western definitions, but the whole of his influences must be brought to bear upon his later comments. He was looking for wholeness and perfection in his Christian life, and in doing this was following a very ancient pattern of thought. Modern biographers in seeking to show the developmental influences of his parents either intentionally or unintentionally miss those influences which Wesley brought to bear upon himself. He was seeking after the Face of God for ultimate peace and in doing this was being increasingly drawn to men who had seen this Face, who had lived in the Presence of God, and who were willing to pass on their wisdom to later generations. Wesley’s pursuits were not an unconscious reaction to an overbearing mother, but rather a definitive mature quest to discover God, and in doing this, himself.

“I felt my heart strangely warmed”: Adulthood

With this theology in his head he left Oxford in 1735, having become confident in the disciplines and pursuits which he had established with his Holy Club. He left for the new colony of Georgia, a place where he could not only minister to those who, like him, were within the Church, but would also have the opportunity to evangelize the Native Americans, a task which he was very eager to achieve. As it has been well noted, Wesley’s time in Georgia as a missionary was not successful, either for those in Georgia or especially for his own soul. Though in many ways this was due to his own continuing confusion concerning his relationships with women, it was also due to the fact that he met continued resistance to his “experiments” in the Christian life, and met hostility in seeking to push others towards the same kind of holiness he himself was seeking. The people in Georgia were not the accepting group he had been gathering with while still in Oxford. Indeed he eventually left because of actual legal charges which were brought against him, some relating to his alleged horrendous handling of a botched relationship with a young Sophie Hawkins. Eight grand jury charges, however, related to ecclesiastical affairs. [98]

He writes of his continued bondage to sin during this time, and his will to overcome, but not the ability to overcome. [99] It was a time of both spiritual ups and downs as he wrestled with his own soul. There were, however, very positive aspects to his time here. He was able to continue his reading, establishing in fact a large library, [100] and indeed really coming to conclusions on theological positions, putting “all but the final form of his doctrinal ideas hammered into their basic shape.” [101] He also was able to experiment with liturgy and the experience of Christian worship. [102] Additionally, while in Georgia, he came in contact with a new group of Christians, called the Moravians who “taught him, by example and precept, that faith should be fearless and that piety can be buoyant. [103] He returned home dejected and miserable, saying on the boat ride home, “I went to America to convert the Indians; but oh, who shall convert me?” [104]

Upon arriving back in England he entered a time of great Spiritual despair, realizing that for all of his efforts, all of his sacrifices, he still was not near the life in God that he knew was possible. He had done all that he had known to do in seeking after that presence which would give him fullness, but this presence had been elusive. Though he had faith in part, his understanding of the Christian life was still devoid of a true faith in Christ, and because of this he was unable to see the Face of God, the Face that God sent into the world. Because of this inner inability to know or reinterpret his conflict, he began to increasingly admire and correspond with the Moravians, whose spirituality, confidence in God, and emphasis on the fullness of faith seemed to resonate in Wesley’s heart. He especially built a strong relationship with Peter Böhler, the leader of the Moravians in Oxford. Their conversations about the nature and effects of a “true” faith in Christ caused Wesley to re-examine his own life and past, as he diligently searched Scripture for the answer to his pressing psychological need. He resolved to press on until this crisis was fully resolved, renouncing dependence on his own works to bring him closer to God and beginning “continual prayer for this very thing—justifying, saving faith, a full reliance on the blood of Christ shed for me, a trust in him, as my Christ, as my sole justification, sanctification, and redemption.” [105]

He continued to seek this faith [106] until Wednesday, May 24, 1738. In the morning he opened his Bible and came across 2 Peter 1:4 which reads, “There are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises, even that ye should be partakers of the divine nature.” [107] In the evening he went, “very unwillingly” he states, to a meeting of the Moravians, in which there was a reading of Luther’s Preface to the Epistle to the Romans. He writes about this incident:

About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone for salvation; and an assurance was given me that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death. [108]

This was not a time of conversion, but rather the attainment of Wesley’s ultimate goal, coming into the presence of the Face of God. [109] He writes that on the next morning, “the moment I awaked, ‘Jesus, Master,” was in my heart and in my mouth; and I found all my strength lay in keeping my eye fixed upon him, and my soul waiting on him continually.” [110] This moment of peace, however, was not long lasting as he was again beset by temptations, and confused that while he felt assured of his faith, he did not feel joy. He had found in this experience the presence of God, but God was drawing him deeper and closer, and thus the Face that revealed himself to Wesley was not fully disclosed, and soon withdrew again, leading Wesley to continue a lifetime of seeking His full Presence.

Indeed for much of his later career we find him struggling with the “experience” of the Christian faith, finding himself in some ways baffled and in some ways supported by the Joy he saw others experiencing as they were brought to faith. Their faith and experiences continued to draw him deeper and closer to the God who called even him. The Aldersgate experience was a testimony to God’s continued work in Wesley, but was not the testimony to a finished work. Here Wesley found assurance to his ultimate question of “why?”, and was able to answer his questions about his personal integrity which Erikson’s eighth stage puts forth. [111] We find Wesley’s career as an evangelist finding new found enthusiasm, and really for the first time, very broad response. Having solved the questions of the eighth stage he begins to deal with the questions of the seventh stage, that of Generativity vs. stagnation through a new lens of understanding. His life mission was precisely now that of “establishing and guiding the next generation”, [112] seeking to pass on to others that which he now assured of in mind and heart, namely the salvific and restorative presence of Christ in the life of an individual. The success and fruit of his mission need not be presented for they echo strongly even to this day.

Fowler finds in Wesley’s new emphasis on faith the beginning of a transition to what he calls Conjunctive faith in which there is “a kind of balancing, a knowledge of the self that holds together our aspirations for excellence, moral and otherwise, with a chastened awareness of our capacities for evil, distortion, and self-deception.” [113] In an overview of the development of John Wesley, however, it simply is inadequate to analyze him from perspectives which take into account mere “natural” influences and structures of change. A life of John Wesley must take into account his influence, which now reaches throughout the world, and the complexity of his personality and being, which indeed defies complete explanation by normal models of development. This was a man who was touched by God, whose transformation may have had points of contact with typical developmental models, but whose life clearly reflects the influence “from above”, an influence which more than any other vitally affected who he was.

Faith and Transformation

James Loder speaks of the five steps which constitute the “logic of transformation within the human spirit.” [114] This pattern can help us understand the process which Wesley seemed to be dealing with throughout most of his life. The first step is that of Conflict-in-context, in which the human spirit becomes restless in facing some kind of incoherence that life is bringing to bear. This is a profoundly deep disruptive force which is almost more unconscious than conscious, and which forces us to stop and re-examine the status of life. For Wesley, this seemed to be a continual crisis, as he felt internally the drawing of the Divine, and the weight which Glory itself seemed to offer, forcing him to feel continually ill at ease with the state of his own soul. The second stage, then, is that of an Interlude for scanning, in which because the human spirit cannot rest with the incoherence of a situation, drives itself towards seeking wholeness and consistency, scanning inward and outward for resolution to the conflict which seems to have no clear resolution. This scanning stage, because of his continual deeper and deeper crises, brought Wesley farther and farther along the Christian path, driving him to seek that which others were content not to find, because he felt so strongly the need for fullness and holiness in his own life.

Again this need for fullness and holiness goes back to Wesley’s foundational need for trust. This is not a trust for others or seeking fulfillment in his temporal state, but rather the ultimate quest for the Face that will not go away. The experience of seeing this Face provides the individual with the fullness of life in all of its dimensions. Much of the typical analysis deals with understanding human life in only two of its dimensions, that of “The Lived World” and of “The Self”. [115] The lived world refers to the reality around us, our social, cultural, and natural influences which we interact with on various levels. It is the context for transformation, with the power to “reflect back and compose us.” [116] The “self” is who we are, the “I”, in which the self can reflect on its own being, relating the various parts of the person together, and constituting the “spirit” of the individual.

However, in the context of true transformation we find the need to deal with two more dimensions of the human experience. The first is the “void”. [117] This is the edge of finite existence in which the individual faces negation and nothingness itself. It is the realization that the lived world and the self do not in fact constitute the full Reality of life as it has been created, and as untransformed beings we do not have the capacity to get beyond this ultimate feeling of absence, silence, and loneliness. The awareness of this ultimate void makes the further development of the first two dimensions so difficult that many seek to stifle their awareness through meaningless activity so as to hide the reality of this loss. [118] This is the reality that death is pointing towards, but the “void” goes beyond our mere death and points to a greater and deeper sense of alienation and distance which is beyond our capacity to bridge. John Wesley’s continual struggle with his own being was not simply a result of an overbearing authority figure, but rather was indicative of his pervasive awareness of this void, this sense that he was in fact incomplete as a person and required a deeper level of transformation. His efforts to bridge this gap continued to be inadequate which caused a great deal of frustration, depression, and indeed drive to continue the scanning process to discover the answer to this inescapable dilemma. [119]

In addition to this strong awareness of the “void” Wesley also had a strong awareness of the fourth dimension, the “Holy”. This combined awareness drove Wesley to almost obsessive levels to discover the answer for this overpowering crisis of being. The “Holy” is “the manifest Presence of being-itself transforming and restoring human being in a way that is approximated by the imaginative image as it recomposes the ‘world’ in the course of transformational knowing.” [120] Loder writes that “a vision of the Holy is a vision of a reality so magnificent that the human self longs for the Holy to be all in all, totally transforming existence in the fullness of its light and being.” [121] Wesley writes that before Aldersgate “I omitted no occasion of doing good. I for that reason suffered evil. And all this I knew to be nothing unless as it was directed toward inward holiness. Accordingly this, the image of God, was what I aimed at in all, by doing his will not my own.” [122] He was vitally aware of the Holy, yet he continues by writing, “after continuing some years in this course, I apprehended myself to be near death, I could not find that in all this gave me any comfort or any assurance of acceptance with God.” [123] While earnestly seeking God, his attempt to bridge on his own the gap between the Void and the Holy was incomplete.

His process of scanning continued to provide partial answers to resolving this crisis. However, it was not until his Aldersgate experience in which he finally met with the third step of transformation, that of “insight.” [124] For John Wesley this insight was the final experiencing of the fullness of Christ, the experience of God’s presence in a way which was truly personal, as his spirit and The Spirit interacted on a new level, as he finally was truly illuminated by experiencing the Face of God as revealed in Christ. Suddenly he knew at the very depth of his being the presence of the one who had been calling him. This “insight” came beyond him, and was indeed a result of the active Spirit who was drawing Wesley into a deeper level, withdrawing the Face as Wesley drew near.

This activity of the Spirit of God can be seen throughout the Scriptures, especially, however, in the lives of various Old Testament figures. It seems that at a young age certain individuals are given a taste of the Holy, shown clearly the Face of God in a transforming way. [125] Yet this Face is then withdrawn. The soul to whom the Face was shown is then lost in the void, no longer able to be content with dealing solely with the two dimensions of the “world” and of the “self” but rather driven to once again discover the Face that will cast away the Void and bring fullness again to the life of one now empty. The Presence is always just ahead, drawing the individual to deeper levels of insight, deeper levels of struggle and crisis, and eventually deeper levels of being. For the Presence is a