Disaster Response Etiquette

Over the last week or so I and my family were part of what is now known as the worst fire disaster in modern California history - which basically means it's the biggest fire anyone knows about, but maybe there was a bigger fire just after the last ice age ended. Our home was saved. Thank God. Literally, because there is no reason why else is should still be here, and certainly no other reason why not even the smell of smoke reached our Arrowhead home. I know this because we decided to stick it out and not follow the mandatory evacuation. We were not alone in this, as many residents (though still a great minority) also stuck around.

This was a crisis involving little sleep and much prayer, constant vigils watching distant ridges for a sign of encroaching flame, and increased community bonding between neighbors and family members. Indeed the fire went around us, leaving us oftentimes to focus more on putting out the fires which were raised in the perception of others towards us, fires ignited by their disagreement and reaction to our decision to stay. Rather than being supportive, many people became sources of angst and worry, raising within us that which God was actively seeking to assuage. There were those who were supportive, certainly, and helpful during this crisis, and it is with both of these kinds of people in mind that I put together the following Etiquette Suggestions for Dealing with Others in a Crisis.

Don't force the person in the crisis to become a comforter. If you have fears and worries, keep them to yourself, don't add your fears and worries to those engaged in facing down something overwhelming. Give comfort, not fear.
Realize you may not have all the facts and information which relate to the situation, thus are not in a position to give orders or commands about what should be done. If you give advice, give in humbly and simply, with the understanding that what you say is very much likely not original. As in our situation, saying "You must leave! It is dangerous" was not new to those who offered this suggestion. Surprisingly, we had realized this already, so harping on it does not help.
If you are able to contact the person do not tell them what to do, or what you shall do for them. Ask them if there is anything which you can do to help, and do it, holding back your own desire to control the situation. Unless the people in the crisis are 12 years old or younger, it is not your situation to control and manage, yet you are likely still able to provide some assistance. In our case, the electricity was off, and we were having troubles with our long distance (I hate Verizon is my new motto). So we could get no news nor call out to anyone useful. Those who called and were helpful (thanks to my brother for exemplifying this) were comforting in conversation (a crisis is a lonely task), and able to give us news, so we were not limited to watching ridges. We also asked for prayer - which since a fire reacts to wind and weather is a most appropriate task.
Try and contact the person to ask if they need something and to simply express support and availability during the crisis. Even if the answer to the former is no, an understanding there are people around who care gives an immense amount of courage.
If the power is out, don't email. The person doesn't get it until after the crisis is over, and goes through it feeling rather very alone. Call. A voice is powerful during moments of crisis.
If you are a person of faith, act like it. It is disturbing to find those who are not Christians acting with more faith than those who are, and finding more solace and comfort from those who make no claims of eternal life. The height of help comes from those who are of faith and have faith. If one's Christianity does not come into play during a crisis, revealing the person to be no different in major decisions than other people, then it is likely without much worth, despite words to the contrary. Don't pray if you don't believe in prayer, don't use words of faith if you have none -- it just adds to everyone's confusion.
Respect the people in a crisis. Do not judge them. Just because you may have made different decisions in the instant does not mean others are unwise or foolish. If you have not faced a firefight, don't stand off to the side and say what is right and good. You do not have the same information, nor the same insight as to what is wise. God is not likely using you as a divine voice or power for these people, so don't act like he is.
When a crisis is over, it is not over. Just because the physical aspects have died down, emotional effects remain, as do needs which arose from the crisis. Remain there for the people in a crisis, and they will treasure you.
Realize friendships and community are forged or lost through crises. If you are not there during times of troubles, you are not worth the trouble of future investment. If you are then you are showing a depth which may have been unseen before this, and are cementing community in a powerful way.
On a more personal note -- if the career fireman next door says the people made a right decision, that he also made that decision, and that "you have to do what you have to do", while also providing, or at least being available to provide, valuable emotional and physical support, and you in your distant suburban home show yourself contrary to this in most or all respects -- realize I will stand by my heart and those who are supportive. Friendship is shown, not said. Faith is acted on, not discussed.

All this is said as suggestions, realizing I have made these mistakes in the past, and also realizing people are different in expectations. Prayer was indeed the most important need throughout, so for those who did pray (whatever or however else they did), I offer my sincere thanks. It is a miracle I am able to type this while looking out at an idyllic mountain scene. God put a shield of protection around this valley, while hell raged all about. Many, many around the state are still suffering, and it will be decades for the scars to heal. Prayer is still necessary, and needed, and valued.

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